Boundaries And Consent

I recently was invited to participate on a local radio show called The Sex Ed Show with Heather Ross on KOOP 91.7 FM. The topic of the show was boundaries and consent in general, as well as how they relate to polyamorous and kink identifying individuals.

Below you will find a recording of the show, which aired Tuesday, July 14, 2020, and some of the information that was shared during the broadcast.

Consent is:

• Clearly Communicated – Everyone is clear about what is ok and what is not. Silence is not the same as consent.

• Ongoing and Revocable – Just because consent is given for one activity does not mean it is given for everything. It also means that anyone can change their mind and change their consent.  

• Given By Those Capable – This means that those under heavy influence of drugs or alcohol may not be giving consent. While some people can remain coherent enough under the influence to give consent, others may not. Be aware if someone is “too impaired.”

• Given Willingly – This means that it is not coerced. Guilt or feelings of obligation have no part in consent.

Boundaries are:

• Stop signs or limits that you create to protect yourself so that it is clear that you are in control of your own life,

• Can help you pursue an authentic expression of who you are in the way you live, love, give, and relate

• Help you live in line with your values, provide direction to make healthy life choices, and allow an authentic expression of who you are

Resources mentioned during the show:

• The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy – the classic guide to love, sex, and intimacy beyond the limits of the conventional

• Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg – information to change your approach to communication for the better

• Playing Well With Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams – a book that explains “kink culture”

• Sexual Outsiders by David Ottman and Richard Sprott – a guide for BDSM community members who must wade through the quagmire of unique problems they face